


Light that lingers in a quiet room

by musicforswimming



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen, Post-Movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-10
Updated: 2006-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-02 06:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicforswimming/pseuds/musicforswimming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoe copes. The crew does, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light that lingers in a quiet room

**Author's Note:**

> Pinch-hit for the 2006 FemGenFicathon. Title from Tim Finn's "Winter Light".

Zoe's in a fightin' mood most of the time. Has been ever since they dragged their asses off that bleak-ass planet.

Mostly she keeps to herself, which on its own ain't exactly new. But she's sparring more, with Mal and Jayne, and when they're on jobs she's fighting harder, like she was against the Reavers. She's in a fightin' mood. Jayne sees it, and he ain't sure why no one else seems to, 'cuz he knows Mal don't pay him to use his brain. Even River don't seem to see it, or her new-found powers of sanity-likeness seem to keep her from commenting on it. Now the girl gets all tactful, of course.

Except one night, he says, "Mal, how do we know she ain't gonna snap and kill us all in our beds?"

"River's all better. It was a miracle," Mal says snidely.

"She ain't the one I'm talkin' about, Mal, and you -- "

"You do not," and it's like lightening gone through Mal or something, way he changes so suddenly, "want to have that talk, Jayne."

"Mal, that ain't Zoe, and you gorram well know it!"

"It gorram well _is_ Zoe, and you don't want to ask me how I know it, Jayne!" Mal shouts, loud enough that the room seems to shake a little, and Jayne walks out of the room, muttering to himself, 'cuz there weren't no talking to Mal when he got that 'I'm a haunted veteran, gonna go whine in the dark' look to him.  
   
   
   
   
The ship still cries sometimes. She limps along and River will try to guide her. She will try to become more fluent in her language, but there are many memories here still, and she cries, and when she is not crying, she hurts.

She will not really talk to them even if they understand her language.

Kaylee tries, as always, tries to fix it, patch it, make it better, but she can't, because she does not really understand some wounds. Neither does Simon.

The ship cries, and hurts, but she flies on still. Pieces ripped off, heart ripped out and replaced with a broken one, but she stays her course.  
   
   
   
   
You can see the stars every night in Serenity, not long after the fighting stops and the waiting begins. Smoke clears eventually, bodies stank to high heaven and the bright, bright sun didn't help much with that.

Stars shone down brightly at night. Wasn't much to do besides look up at the empty silent sky.

"Stars are bright. Guess it's so God can see us. Makes it easier for him to laugh at us," says a young private, as he's bleeding to death. Looks up at the stars, pulls out his sidearm, and Sarge doesn't see what he's doing, neither of them do, not until his brains are all over Alleyne's face.  
   
   
   
   
One night, Simon manages to corner Zoe. "Listen," he says, and oh, boy, the way she looks at you never gets any less intimidating, does it? "I, ah -- that is, I, I'd -- I had a point," he says, with a self-conscious chuckle. "Really. I think."

"Might wanna see about getting to it, then," Zoe says.

Another chuckle, and this one makes him cringe inwardly even more than the first, so simpering and pathetic does it sound. "Fair enough, I guess. I -- that is, I'm trained in some basic counseling and psychology, and I've got some -- some antidepressants, if you -- "

"Ain't anything wrong with my brain, Doctor," Zoe answers, and she's gone from cautious to outright cold, suddenly, which is a subtle difference with Zoe but it's nonetheless there. "Possible you didn't get enough training in psychology if you think there is."

Another pathetic little chuckle. God, is there any way in which he can not be useless? Ever? "Of course, grief is completely normal -- if you're having trouble sleeping, though, I know that experiences like this can -- can re-awaken traumatic memories, causing nightmares, and if you need anything, I'll be happy to -- "

"I've slept worse," Zoe says, and she's not even waiting for him to finish anymore; she's turned and walked off down the hall.

She doesn't even seem really angry. Many people might balk at such a suggestion, take umbrage or offense. She just walked off, with no sign of the rage he saw in battle whatsoever.  
   
   
   
   
"Zoe," Inara says, and she's spent hours thinking about this because, truth be told, she's no earthly idea how to go about it. She and Zoe have never spoken much, have never possessed much need or desire to speak to one another, not out of any distate for or distrust of the other, but out of a simple lack of anything resembling common ground.

And frankly, Zoe's even more difficult to speak to than Mal.

"Inara," Zoe says, and clearly she's as surprised by this development as Inara is, though Zoe's so perfectly composed, physically, that Inara can barely tell how she knows this. Were she not a Companion, were she not trained to pick up on these things, she likely wouldn't have been able to tell at all. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, you," Inara says, and smiles. "I know that we've never really talked, but I thought perhaps you might care to take tea with me in my shuttle -- "

"There's a ceremony, ain't there?" Zoe asks. "For Companions?"

"Yes," Inara says, a little surprised at Zoe's apparent curiosity. "Yes, there is; it dates back to Earth That Was, the Companion Tea Ceremony. I'd no idea you had an interest, I'd be delighted to -- "

"I don't," Zoe says simply, and turns away. "Never had much use for ceremonies, myself, ma'am."

The 'ma'am' is like a slap, or would be if she and Zoe had ever been close to begin with. Inara wonders, as she gathers her skirts carefully and walks back to her shuttle, whether it were meant to be so, but she doubts it, frankly. Even in her anger, Inara has never seen Zoe be _cruel_; there is no reason to think she was trying to be so now, and so Inara is not hurt or offended.  
   
   
   
   
"Guess you could say I came out here to see the stars," Wash said with a grin the first time they really got to talking.

Zoe looked at him for a second. "Some of us can't get away from 'em," she said, and then walked away.  
   
   
   
   
She's sitting in the mess with a drink in her hand when Mal wanders in one night, having took a notion into his head to do something along the same lines.

"All right, there, Zoe?" he asks.

Zoe looks at him like he's stupid. He's often wondered if she might not believe that. Mal just grins, though, sitting down with a cup and holding the empty mug out to her expectantly.

She doesn't even pause, just pours something from her bottle into his cup. "Say when, sir."


End file.
